It has been over a month since my arrest at Fort Benning. I had lots to do with the busyness of Christmas, but still moments of anxiety and sheer fear about going to prison hit me. Nagging doubts about my strength to see this through, and the waiting, waiting, waiting.
Christmas was wonderful. All the family and friends together. I had Christmas greetings from old friends who remain so supportive after all these years. My new friend, Diane, who was arrested with me and my mentor, Sister Sheila in Florida, who was arrested last year have been a big positive part of this waiting time. Both have added depth and perspective to the act and action I am now a part of. Besides trying to make this time a learning experience about SOA/WHINSEC for people around me, I am constantly more aware of the joy of freedom, in making choices, of options, of movement, and of living the moment my way.
Even though I feel weak and frightened, and look at myself as "scared as a chicken", I remember the poem by Teddy Roosevelt, and I feel better.
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out
how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena
whose face is marred by dust and threat and blood
who strived valiantly, however errs and comes short again and again.
Who knows great enthusiasm, great devotions,
the triumph of high achievement and who, at worst, if he fails
at least fails while bearing greatly, so that his place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.
And with those thoughts in my head, I continue to wait. My trial will be on Jan. 28, 2008 in Columbus, Georgia. Pax Tecum