Friday, December 28, 2007

WAITING

It has been over a month since my arrest at Fort Benning. I had lots to do with the busyness of Christmas, but still moments of anxiety and sheer fear about going to prison hit me. Nagging doubts about my strength to see this through, and the waiting, waiting, waiting.

Christmas was wonderful. All the family and friends together. I had Christmas greetings from old friends who remain so supportive after all these years. My new friend, Diane, who was arrested with me and my mentor, Sister Sheila in Florida, who was arrested last year have been a big positive part of this waiting time. Both have added depth and perspective to the act and action I am now a part of. Besides trying to make this time a learning experience about SOA/WHINSEC for people around me, I am constantly more aware of the joy of freedom, in making choices, of options, of movement, and of living the moment my way.

Even though I feel weak and frightened, and look at myself as "scared as a chicken", I remember the poem by Teddy Roosevelt, and I feel better.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out
how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena
whose face is marred by dust and threat and blood
who strived valiantly, however errs and comes short again and again.
Who knows great enthusiasm, great devotions,
the triumph of high achievement and who, at worst, if he fails
at least fails while bearing greatly, so that his place shall never be
with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

And with those thoughts in my head, I continue to wait. My trial will be on Jan. 28, 2008 in Columbus, Georgia. Pax Tecum

6 comments:

Cindy Kilborn said...

proud to know you Joan

Omar Cruz said...
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Omar Cruz said...
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Alyce Eccentrick said...

Hi Joan,
My name is Alice.
Due to illness, I couldn't come to Georgia this year.
I've crossed the fence at Fort Benning... um... a few times.
I just want to thank you for saying no to torture and assassination and yes to human rights and to life.
I was released from prison on September 19, 2007, after finishing my six-month sentence.
Check out my blog at http://closethesoa.blogspot.com
I wish you the best and if you want to chat, leave a comment on my blog and it will go to my email.
alice

Anonymous said...

Joan,
Thank you for having the courage to cross the line. I was there this past November at the SOAW for the first time and I was overwhelmed by the sense of God's presence and the purpose and unity among the people there.
I'll be one of the many praying and writing to you in the coming months.
Peace,

Shannon
Durham, North Carolina

Judy Ruland said...

Dear Joan,
I'm a 2005 crosser.
I loved your blog.
I too am a nurse, a Just Faith grad, and have never been arrested before.
I love this country as well and I'm so glad to have found a kindred spirit!
I have been political in the past, but seeing the film about Archbishop Romero in my Just Faith group was the final straw because I love my Faith more than anything.
I can feel your anxiety right now but just remember God uses the weak to make the strong look ridiculous.
I would like to write to you and if there's anything I can do please let me know.
I haven't attended the protest for the past 2 years and I miss it terribly.
My husband and I have been going back and forth to Boston. He's a 43 yo male with polyspenia and heterotaxy. He's been asymptomatic all these years but he needed a pacer/defib and is doing very well.
Well, Joan if there is anything I can do, please let me know!
Peace in Christ,
Judy